你在一个女人身上寻求的是什么？

What do you look for in your lover?

Hum...To answer this question...

哦，回答你那个问题，我在一个女人身上寻求的是什么。

I recognize that whomever I choose to be with will never be perfect, as aren’t I, so all I require of her is that she loves herself most of all but she would never trade respect (for me and for her) for a fleeting moment of happiness;

我意识到无论我和谁在一起，她永远都不可能是完美的，我也不是。所以我对她的要求仅仅是，她最爱的是她自己，她不会放下一丝尊严只为换取一瞬的欢愉，不管那是为了我还是为了她自己；

that she can be very happy without me, but she chooses to start every morning and end every day with me by her side; 

没有了我，她也一样能够活得开心，但是她却选择了和我一起开始每一个清晨、结束每一个夜晚；

all I require of her is that she has her own dreams and hopes, but that it’s me she wants to share her successes and failures; 

我对她的期望仅仅是，她有自己的梦想和期冀，但是她却选择了和我来分享她的成功和失败；

all that I require of her is that her outlook is optimistic and that when I’m gone she’ll continue to live as a strong and happy person. 

我希望她永远积极乐观，即便我离开了，她还能做个坚强乐观的人，好好生活。

I don’t have any specific attributes I particularly look for in a person because I appreciate the diversity in people and what their unique personalities and characters have to offer.  

没有什么特质是我想从一个女人身上刻意寻求的，因为我欣赏人的多样性，我能接受他们每个人那独特的个性和魅力随之带来的一切。

I have found myself attracted to people I know rationally I should not, but I just am and the only explanation I could think of would be her unique personality, that she is different, that she has an interesting story to tell.  

我还发现我有时会被那些我本不应该在一起的人吸引，但是我的理性却无法拉住我，唯一的解释也许就是，我在她身上感受到了一点特别的什么，她是不同的，她是有故事的。

What I can say are the things I do not want in my friends or lovers, and they are self-conceit, selfishness, and closed-mindedness. I can deal with someone who possess one of these undesirable qualities, and sometimes two of them.  But, when someone possess all three, I deem time spent with this person or group of people a complete waste, so I walk away.

如果非要说的话，我不能忍受出现在我朋友和恋人身上的就是这几点了吧——自负、自私、自闭。如果谁身上有这样一点，甚至是两点，我也许还能忍受。但是如果一个人把这三点都占了，我会断然认为和这个人在一起完全就是浪费时间。我会掉头就走。

I don’t believe in the idea of someone completing me; I think to be complete and whole we have to do that ourselves.  

我不相信什么只有另一个人才能让你完整这种说法。要成为一个完整的人，我看我们都只能靠自己。

I look at love as a weapon. 

对我来说，爱是一个武器。

Do you know what I mean?  I think of it as a weapon against the harsh realities of life; I can certainly try to do it alone, but I would feel much smarter, stronger, and more ambitious with someone I can trust my life with.

你知道我在说什么么？人生太艰难了，我把爱当作是对抗它的武器。我当然也可以独自去和人生较劲，但有了它，有一个我能一起并肩作战的人，我就会更聪明，更强壮，更勇敢。

That’s what I look for in my lover. 

那就是我在另一个女人身上寻求的。

When I was younger I used to take for granted when my friends and I meet up, or when someone makes a plan to do something with me, or when someone waits for me, or when someone does something that involves me…  

当我更年轻的时候，我总是把一切都认为是理所当然。当有人特意来和我相聚的时候，有人计划和我一起做点什么的时候，有人在默默等待我的时候，有人尽全力把我安排进她生活里的时候...

These are all signs that the other person, friend or lover, is thinking about you. E-Mails like this between us are the same too, right? The act of sitting down, taking time to write to someone, and to put thoughts into words are all signs of making an effort to make the other person more a part of you, and your life.  

这些难道不都是另一个人，在想着你的信号吗？不管是朋友还是恋人。像我们这样给彼此写邮件不也一样？找时间，在桌前坐下来，整理思绪，敲在电脑里，一字一句，这难道不都是有一个人在尽全力把另一个人变成自己和自己生命的一部分的信号吗？

So, on matters of relationship, what I really want is a person who comes into my life by accident but stays on purpose. 

所以，我寻求的仅仅是，有那么一个人，她与我意外邂逅，却为我刻意驻足。